I'm Ringing About The AlsatiOns
by Steve Foran
"Answer the phone please, I'm just feeding the pups and it might be an enquiry".
The puppies were 8-1/2 weeks old and the last few were being advertised to good homes only in the local paper.
"Hello"
"Hello, I'm ringing about the pups. Do you have any long-coats?"
"Sorry, no
"Oh, good-bye".
This was the first of what seemed like a thousand calls which give rise for concern towards your fellow man. I am considering contacting the FBI, KGB, The Mounties, Dick Barton, and the local Mountain Rescue about one would-be purchaser who has taken over two days to cover a journey of eight miles. He assured me that he would be leaving home "right away" therefore I can only assume that either the roadworks have thwarted him or he has been kidnapped by an Alien.
I must admit to being impressed by other callers who asked all the right questions such as price and size of feet! And having asked "whereabouts are you?" then become shorthand experts as you give directions and also know every square inch of a radius of ten miles around your house. They must also be life members of MENSA with a retention ability for map reading and local geography previously unkown to man.
One caller got as far as my description of the Hip Scoring Scheme then informed me that "only Show dogs
need to have their hips scored, its the same with Kennel Club registrations."
'I was also put right on more than one occasion on the difference between
normal and long haired Shepherds. The classic confusion of only longcoats being German Shepherds and the others are Alsatians.
I felt totally inadequate as a dog owner when a prospective purchaser described his method of correction on a previous very destructive puppy. Any damage discovered on his return the Pub resulted in NO MEAT PIE FROM THE CHIP SHOP for the luckless chewer. How I wish I had thought of that! Whilst on the subject of diet, how about the caller who tried to sell us a twelve month old bitch whose staple diet was young children and other dogs. My wife spent thirty minutes on the phone offering help and called back the next day with the name of someone willing to take on the bitch only to find that the owners had changed their minds.
By this time you may be thinking that we only received phone calls but this was not the case, we did actualIy receive SOME visitors to view the pups. We were very grateful to the self-styled expert who had owned dogs since she was twelve and been in Shepherds for twenty years. She gave us a forty-five minute lecture on the construction of the modern Shepherd which included such priceless information that the hocks on a puppy are "the bits on the bottom of the legs".
Another person asken for a bitch which would make at least seven stone as she wanted it for breeding puppies (not bad at 8 1/2 weeks old).
Finally, how many calls does one receive for the animal one hasn't got?
"Long coats?'.......no long coats.
"Sables?"......we have only black and golds
"AIl Blacks?"........none.
And when all males gone and only two bitches remaining:
"I'm ringing about the German Shepherds" (well at least he's got the name right). Reply "Yes".
"Before we go any further" (here we go, how much?)
"I don't want to waste your time" (oh yes you do).
"Are the parents hip scored?" (my God someone with a bit of sense) Reply "Yes".
"Have you got any males?"
